WTF was… Putin Absent?

As we all know Putin was absent for over 10 days in early 2015. Well, speculation around this has been rampant. Forget any of the previously suggested theories as they have all been disproved. Putin did not fall ill. Putin did not have surgery. Putin was not deposed. Putin did not have a secret baby. Putin did not die. None of this is true, ladies and gents.

Putin was, in fact absent for all of this time for his latest grand scheme. His latest military exercises are clear evidence of his plan to finally cement Russia’s claim to the arctic oil. His absence was spent planning for ooccupying, then subsequently running flash elections in the North Pole.


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